Inability to accept support — IT’s TRAUMA
The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response….
I came across this post below and felt drawn to share it with you all .
A common problem for many and a lot of my clients is learning to let gp pf control and accept help, especially growing up in an abusive household, or one where your forced to become independant at a young age. A house where you were let down or ignored which is nother form of REJECTION.
Dysfunctional households – mirriring a parent who haad control issues … all programming and conditioning you to reject support from others when offered , feeling like you need to do it YOURSELF .
Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE
So, you don’t trust anyone.
And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people or especially the right people, isolating yourself from relationships .
Sound familour ?
❤️🩹 Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.
❤️🩹 From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.
❤️🩹 From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.
❤️🩹 From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.
❤️🩹 From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.
❤️🩹 From all the lies and all the betrayals.
❤️🩹 You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.
❤️🩹 You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball… because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?
❤️🩹 You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.
❤️🩹 Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.
❤️🩹 But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.
❤️🩹 Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.
❤️🩹 Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.
How to start healing
You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.
You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy.
You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.
~ Jamila White